Coming into light...end of the tunnel

I used to feel amused whenever I'd come across anyone wailing in despair. Well, basically I'm not that type of going overboard on emotional terrains. Quietness and solitude, I feel comfortable with. I enjoy good laugh while contemplating alone over sun besetting at the western sky. The birds coming back to their nest or flocking at the higher turrets in neighborhood, creating a dulcet chirping backdrop. A sad overtone was always there, breeding within the core of my quietness. But this time it was different. This time I wasn't strong. Eager to rebound on my own like I did before. Not this time. This time for the very first moment, I felt the pain that comes with it, it wasn't a luxury. The more I tried to show my back  to it. the more it get over my shoulders like a phantom, bound to haunt me.

What is scary? Do you know ? The scariest thing is when you try to make yourself forget something with all your might, summoning all your will...yet you find it's not waning, not leaving , not going away. The scariest thing is when your right side of brain keeps telling you the coldest logics, dissecting each and every facts up to their farthest bottom and making yourself submissive to the nemesis, yet your left brain keep telling you to look beyond the glass ceiling and to keep the fool's hope kindled. Hope is good as long as it's validated by standings of facts. I still abhor the way people makes the show of grief a staggering opera performance. But I also feel the empathy that makes that whole thing being staged.Only now I can feel it.Only now.

But with all and everything, I am not ashamed to feel blues and I am not awkward to express it, even if it sounds pathetic. I know I won't make it pathetic. I will retrace the footsteps and become a brood like I used to be. But I do have something. That survives me. Faith. Somehow I do have this immense faith on me. That no matter how deep is water, I'll swim across. Somehow. Cause I am far from figuring out, how it works. Maybe life compels us to learn. My learning curve never reaches a peak. I learn and still falter and again I learn. I am alive and so I do exist. My faith keeps me going. That one day it will be good. Not only for a few moments passing by. That time, it will stay with me for a while.

''All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.


From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.''