Coming into light...end of the tunnel

I used to feel amused whenever I'd come across anyone wailing in despair. Well, basically I'm not that type of going overboard on emotional terrains. Quietness and solitude, I feel comfortable with. I enjoy good laugh while contemplating alone over sun besetting at the western sky. The birds coming back to their nest or flocking at the higher turrets in neighborhood, creating a dulcet chirping backdrop. A sad overtone was always there, breeding within the core of my quietness. But this time it was different. This time I wasn't strong. Eager to rebound on my own like I did before. Not this time. This time for the very first moment, I felt the pain that comes with it, it wasn't a luxury. The more I tried to show my back  to it. the more it get over my shoulders like a phantom, bound to haunt me.

What is scary? Do you know ? The scariest thing is when you try to make yourself forget something with all your might, summoning all your will...yet you find it's not waning, not leaving , not going away. The scariest thing is when your right side of brain keeps telling you the coldest logics, dissecting each and every facts up to their farthest bottom and making yourself submissive to the nemesis, yet your left brain keep telling you to look beyond the glass ceiling and to keep the fool's hope kindled. Hope is good as long as it's validated by standings of facts. I still abhor the way people makes the show of grief a staggering opera performance. But I also feel the empathy that makes that whole thing being staged.Only now I can feel it.Only now.

But with all and everything, I am not ashamed to feel blues and I am not awkward to express it, even if it sounds pathetic. I know I won't make it pathetic. I will retrace the footsteps and become a brood like I used to be. But I do have something. That survives me. Faith. Somehow I do have this immense faith on me. That no matter how deep is water, I'll swim across. Somehow. Cause I am far from figuring out, how it works. Maybe life compels us to learn. My learning curve never reaches a peak. I learn and still falter and again I learn. I am alive and so I do exist. My faith keeps me going. That one day it will be good. Not only for a few moments passing by. That time, it will stay with me for a while.

''All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.


From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.''

Where the home is...

Isaiah 11:6:
"In that day the wolf and the lamb will live together;
the leopard will lie down with the baby goat.
The calf and the yearling will be safe with the lion,
and a little child will lead them all."

Surely we all dream about that day, the day when people will forget to be rude, under the marmalade sky and the tangerine trees children will play, no giants will stop them. Babies laughter will sound like sweet lemon drops. Over the rainbow, somewhere that place exists, our very own Ithaca...that we all carry in our heart. We carry within us. We take our refuge there to sober down any sorrows and wails.That place is like a land of tears, yes...such a secret place. A very place of our own where our streaks of madness of any degree, our laughters and giggles are all unbound and free. That's a place where we build our sanctuary. All our abstract thoughts take shape and become our raison d'être. That place makes us what we really are, or better what we could become one day. It's a journey home. The destination is unknown but the sceneries and landscapes around are wonderful.